


Dream a Little Dream of Me

by Cornerofmadness



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerofmadness/pseuds/Cornerofmadness
Summary: Clem tries to make fantasy mesh with reality but can he win the woman of his dreams?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer** \- So not mine. All characters belong to Mr. Whedon. I’m just having some non-profit fun and showing you the joys of Wisconsin.
> 
>  **Time Line** \- Post series
> 
>  **Pairings -** Clem/Faith (in his dreams), Faith/Connor (in Clem’s nightmares)
> 
>  **Author’s Note** \- Dedicated to Mr. James Leary. Thanks for the insights into Clem, and thanks to Ligeia for issuing the challenge to write Clem-centric fiction Thanks to SJ Smith for the Beta and the title. As far as I remember this was originally written in 2004 and outside of the yahoo fan-group that issued the challenge, I’m not sure this story was ever posted anywhere. I stumbled across it by sheer accident. I’m fairly sure the dedication came out after a particularly good interview with Mr. Leary.

CHAPTER ONE

Clem watched Faith’s lips as they caressed the frosty glass of her mug, a cool pale rosy-pink slash of Opi’s Marquis D’Mauve that Spike had given her as a joke. He didn’t mind his best friend giving his girl gifts. Clem wasn’t jealous like that. Faith’s dark hair spilled down over her shoulders as her throat worked with each long swallow. His eyes trailed down over her slim, athletic form. It was amazing the way she retained her figure after the babies came, all of them with their mom’s dark looks and his sparkling red eyes. Oh, maybe they didn’t have enough attractive skin folds and their ears were way too small, but they were beautiful just the same.

Faith looked at him, pursing those bee-stung lips at him. “Clem,” she said seductively.

He just smiled, loving the way his name rolled off her tongue.

“Clem!”

The sharpness of Faith’s tone shattered his daydream, making him jump. Clem rapidly blinked his eyes, his skin folds jiggling as he tried to focus back on his surroundings.

Faith put her sandwich down. “You’re staring at me, man. What? Did I spill something on myself?” She did a quick exam of her chest.

“If you did, I’m sure Connor will lick it off,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes. She popped a cheddar curd into her mouth.

“Ha, ha.” Connor wrinkled his nose at her.

“I can’t believe this,” Spike moaned, going to light up. Dawn grabbed away his cigarettes. Spike’s mouth dropped, stunned. “When I agreed to this babysitting job, it was supposed to be in Madison.”

“Babysitting?” Faith glared at him. “I’m the one who got assigned here. Everyone else is just along for the ride.”

Spike held up a hand. “Well, not babysitting _you_.”

Clem noticed how fast Spike backpedaled and wisely so.

“These two.” He jerked a thumb at Dawn and Connor. “Buffy and Angel owe me big.”

“Please, Angel knows better than to ask anyone to babysit me, and even if he did, it wouldn’t be...” Connor looked around at the crowded pub and decided against the ‘V’ word. “ _Your_ kind.”

“Oh, I’m sure Buffy asked him to babysit me.” Dawn sighed. “She probably asked Clem to be assistant babysitter and threatened Faith if anything should happen to me....”

Spike snorted. “But the job was supposed to be in Madison. At least that’s a bloody city but no, where am I? In the Grumpy Troll Brew pub, in the middle of nowhere.”

“I don’t think Mount Horeb’s the middle of nowhere. It’s kinda nice and relaxing,” Clem argued, fussing with the hat he had pulled down to disguise his ears. He knew what Mr. Spock had to feel like every time they tried to pass him off as human. He just wished Faith would stop telling everyone he was a burn victim who had a bad HMO.

Spike eyed him sourly. “The highlight of this town, Clem, is a mustard museum. Think on it.”

“Oh, just eat your grump chips and hush,” Dawn told him, slapping the vampire’s shoulder, and Clem grinned at her spunk.

Spike shoved some in his mouth, chewing loudly before attacking his pile of Troll Way buffalo strips.

“Why exactly did you come along for this anyhow, Clem?” Faith asked, poking at her grumpy troll burger with a beer-battered fry. “I mean, I got assigned here which figures. Buffy gets Rome, I get Cleveland. Buffy gets Paris, I get Rapid City, South Dakota. Buffy’s in London and, where am I? Madison, Wisconsin.”

“At least the beer is good,” Clem pointed out.

She saluted him with her mug of Troll’s Gold. “I get a call from Buffy telling me Spike was coming here with Dawn and Connor, and that I wasn’t to allow Dawn within six feet of either of them. No mentions of you, Clem.”

“Buffy said what?” Dawn grimaced. “What does she think? That Spike and Connor are sex-crazed maniacs that can’t control themselves around me?”

“Well duh, we’re male,” Connor said, downing his Red-Eyed Troll beer.

“That bloody hurts.” Spike put on a very wounded face. “The Slayer’s going to hear about this.”

“When Spike mentioned he was coming here, I thought it might be time for a change,” Clem answered Faith’s question. “Madison’s not so far from Chicago, and I’ve some friends there. And after everything with Black Thorn, L.A.’s not looking so good, and since I had moved there a little too close to the battle zone... I invited myself along. I hope you don’t mind,” Clem truly hoped that. It was a bad thing for a demon to be falling head over heels for a Slayer but what’s a guy to do?

“Well, I’m glad. All the seer told us was something weird was heading for central Wisconsin, and it was your tip that at least got us from Madison to here,” Faith said before putting those luscious lips back around the thick burger she was eating.

“I don’t know if what we’re looking for is here but it’s not like we’re that far from home. We can be back in Madison in an hour,” Clem said optimistically, swirling his Bavarian Beer Sponge in the appropriate medium before popping the beer-soaked pretzel in his mouth.

“Speak for yourself. I’m in a town that has roadways lined with carved trolls and this place doesn’t even have a nice bloomin’ onion,” Spike groused. The vampire might complain a lot, but Clem liked hanging with him anyhow.

“We’ll get up a game of kitten poker when we get back to the capitol. That’ll cheer you up,” Clem said.

Connor looked up from his burger. “What do you do with the kittens?”

Faith wagged a finger at him. “Never ask.”

Connor ignored Faith’s warning. “I mean, do you eat them?”

“Oh gross,” Dawn said making a face.

“I um...kinda...I let them go,” Clem said sheepishly.

Spike rolled his eyes. “You cheat at kitten poker just so you can rescue them? I’m embarrassed to know you.”

Clem’s lips dipped downwards.

“I think it’s sweet,” Dawn said. “It’s better than eating them. That would be grosser than well...that.” She pointed to Connor’s Skogstroll Burger.

Connor looked at it. “What? It’s good!” He took a big bite.

“It’s got that huge blob of burger, swiss cheese and sour cream. Even the mushrooms are soaked in alcohol. I’m surprised you don’t drop dead from cholesterol on the spot,” Dawn said.

“Leave him alone, Dawn. The boy could stand to eat a few meals. He’s like trying to hump a scarecrow,” Faith said, and Clem’s heart fell to his boots. She was with the skinny, sulky kid? What did Connor have that he didn’t, other than tight skin and sleepy blue eyes?

 

“Oh thanks,” Connor mumbled around his burger. “‘Sides, alcohol thins out the blood, no cholesterol worries.”

“I don’t think it works that way,” Clem grumbled, thinking he could take a scrawny bean pole like Connor in fight. “And aren’t you and Dawn a little young to be drinking?”

“We’re in college. We got the best fake i.d.s money can buy.” Dawn grinned. “Only beer kinda sucks.” She eyed her mug balefully.

“That’s because you ordered the spiced ale, Li’l Bit,” Spike said, a horrified expression on his thin face. “Hell, it has cinnamon and nutmeg in it. That is a travesty.”

Dawn pouted. “Now you tell me.”

“I was too distracted by the excitement of the mustard museum,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.

Clem tuned out the rest of the good-natured bantering as he tried to figure out a way to make Faith see him for him. In the end, nothing came of his tip and they trucked back to Madison, but Clem didn’t really care. It just meant the Slayer would be in town longer, and he had plans to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: The Grumpy Troll brewery is a real place. The menu enjoyed here was what was in vogue fifteen years ago. I did not update it to today’s menu but if you’re in Mt Horeb, I suggest stopping in.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

The smells of the circus, well they were pretty overwhelming especially with all his skin folds that like a blood hound’s dewlaps concentrated the scent, bringing it up to his nose. But, if Faith wanted to go to the circus, Clem wasn’t going to deny her anything. Besides, the kids wanted to see the clowns and the trapeze artists, and who was he to say no to his and Faith’s brood? It wasn’t as if Faith begrudged him poker night with the boys, even if Spike liked to try and get him drunk each and every time. He always brought the kittens home for the kids to play with, though Faith was getting a little grumpy with all the litter box duties. Still, she looked so darn cute when the kittens were attacking her long, beautiful hair.

“Dude, are you staring at Faith’s ass?”

Clem’s red eyes flicked up to Connor’s annoyed face, snapped out of his daydream inspired by all the talk of circuses swirling around him. “No, of course not. That would be rude.”

“Please, Faith probably loves it,” Spike said, and Faith slapped him on the back of the head.

“You two try to stay out of trouble while we’re gone,” Faith said, shaking a hand to the two demons.

Spike rolled his eyes. “It’s broad daylight, what kind of trouble could I get into?”

“You’re a pretty creative guy, Spike.” Clem flashed a toothy grin, and Spike flipped him off. Clem chuckled.

“Why are you two going to the circus museum anyhow?” Spike cracked open an early-morning beer. “I mean, it’s a circus museum.”

“We’re playing tourist,” Connor said, as if that explained everything.

“And the agreement was, we all take turns picking a place to go, and it was my turn,” Dawn said, so bouncy Clem found her good mood contagious. “And those circus wagons looked so pretty online. Besides, it’ll give me some good stuff for next semester’s art classes.” Dawn wiggled her digital camera.

“I’m going because, let’s compare company, pretty ladies, versus demon men,” Connor said, waving his hand between the girls and Clem and Spike.

“I think we’ve been insulted, Clem.” Spike slugged back some beer. “The circus wagons are kinda cool. I remember when Ringling Brothers rolled into town on those wagons. Dru insisted on watching from the shadows. Damn near set herself on fire from the sun about a dozen times. And then later that night I took her to the circus. Now there’s a funny story.”

“Who dies?” Faith’s darkly painted lips twisted into a grin.

“Don’t tell me!” Dawn threw up her hands.

“So why are you going, Faith? Can’t imagine circus wagons are your thing,” Spike said, while Clem was busy feeling a little hurt that he hadn’t been asked along. It wasn’t like he was house bound by the sun like Spike.

“I’m the only one with a car.” She sighed. “The brats aren’t old enough to rent a car, and we can’t even skip from the museum to Ho-Chunk casino because again some of us are mere children.”

“That wasn’t what you said last night.” Connor beamed at Faith, and Clem bared his teeth at the boy who didn’t even notice.

Faith swatted him on his bony backside. “See you two later.”

Clem swiped the remote away from Spike before he could put on another talk show or soap opera. He turned on old re-runs of _Murder, She Wrote_.

“Oh, bloody hell. You expect me to watch this?” Spike flashed his game face at Clem.

“You could always go to sleep. Isn’t that what vampires do in the day?” Clem shot back. “I like Jessica Fletcher, and we watched those stupid Judge programs you wanted all day yesterday.”

Spike settled back on the couch with a sour look. “Fine. So, since the big evil menace the seer sent Faith here for in the first place isn’t in a hurry to materialize, want to see if we can scare up a poker game tonight? There’s gotta be some demons around here somewhere.”

Clem nodded, his ears flapping. “Near the university. Sure. That’ll be fun.” Would Faith like to join them, he wondered. Buffy had joined Spike that one time.

“And you were so checking out Faith’s ass.” Spike glanced over at him with a smirk.

Clem shrugged. “Think she’d go out with me?”

“I don’t think Faith goes out, Clem. She just grabs a guy and rides him until there’s nothing left then moves on the next sucker.”

Clem growled at the vampire. “That’s the woman I love you’re talking about like that.”

Spike just snorted. “Isn’t she a little too tight-skinned for you?”

Clem thought about it. Yes, the lack of wrinkles did make Faith a little less appealing, but she compensated in other ways. “Not necessarily.”

Spike took a drink. “First thing to do if you want Faith, kick Angel Junior in the balls hard because you’ll need him out of the picture.”

Clem eyed Spike sourly, fingering his dewlaps as he mulled that over. “I was hoping for something less violent, you know with maybe candy or flowers. Isn’t that what human girls like?”

“Oh yeah.” Spike bobbed his head. “And poetry. But as long as Connor thinks he’s in the picture, you’ve got a problem. Broody Boy is a helluva fighter. Me and Angel sparred with the little wanker after we got all healed up from the big throw down, and that kid tossed his dad around like a rag doll. He only looks like he’d blow away if you sneezed on him. But, if you kick his balls into next week, that’ll fix him.” Spike leaned over, studying Clem. “How good are you in a fight?”

“I can handle myself.”

“Get used to it if you’ve set your sights on Faith.”

Clem rolled his eyes at Spike’s vulgarity. “That’s not a help.”

Spike shrugged expansively. “Just ask her out. Faith’s not a romance kinda girl. She’s more direct.”

Clem considered that. It didn’t sound much like the Faith his mind’s eye saw. Then again Spike had a way of seeing past everyone’s bullshit. It was kind of what Clem liked about the brash creature. He’d think it over and see if he could reconcile his version of Faith with what Spike said, though he’d like a better plan than kicking a young man in the testicles, no matter how much he deserved it. He couldn’t imagine Faith would appreciate it much, not to mention Connor’s reaction to the assault. He was confident he could come up with a solution. Maybe he’d think of it later when he was watching _Magnum P.I._ reruns.  
 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

How long had it been since he’d been in Daytona Beach? It wasn’t like he was much of a beach sitter, too fair skinned for that. Still, how could he resist the allure of seeing his beautiful Faith against the expanse of blue water? The kids were out surfing while Faith rubbing sweet-smelling SPF 50 into his sensitive, loose skin. She looked absolutely stunning in her electric blue bikini. He had long ago stopped caring about the fact Faith had too little skin. Her breasts looked like the crown jewels of Noraca behind the tiny swatches of blue.  
“Okay, dude, now you’re just totally staring at my girl,” Connor snarled, breaking into Clem’s fantasy. He jerked a thumb back to where Dawn and Faith, both bathing suit clad, were putting the million and one things women needed into their beach bags.

“In Clem’s defense, you can’t bloody blame him,” Spike said, doing his fair share of drooling. “And since when is Faith’s anyone’s girl?”

Faith glanced over her shoulder, burning them all with a glare.

“For however long it takes for us to get to the bottom of the impending supernatural event here in Madison, Faith’s kinda with me,” Connor said a little hesitantly, looking at Faith.

“Or until she gets bored with your skinny arse and moves back into the big leagues.” Spike laughed, and Clem resisted the urge to give him a high five.

“Whatever. I’m betting we’ll figure out the mystery before that happens,” Connor said, his blue eyes stormy.

“Oh, I’ll take that action.” Spike smirked. “How about you, Clem?”

“Like taking kittens from a baby.” Clem grinned.

“Will you three put your dicks back in your pants already?” Faith growled.

“I mean it’s not like Faith isn’t standing right here listening to you three...men,” Dawn said, making ‘men’ into a four-lettered word.

“So, who’s idea was it to go to the beach?” Clem asked, a little less upset about being left out of this venture. Lying in the sun wasn’t his idea of fun, even if it meant missing out on Faith and her bikini.

“Mine. I just want to veg. How many Cehib demons did we kill last night? I need a break,” Faith said, stretching, nearly falling out of her swimsuit.

“Too bad the seer didn’t decide that they were the big bad we’re here for,” Dawn said. “Those things were gross.”

“Talk about a smell. I’ve been near dumpsters that weren’t that ripe.” Connor shuddered.

 

“Not my favorite demon either,” Clem said, watching Faith’s body move gracefully as she shouldered her bag and headed for the door, followed by Dawn.

“Dude, you’re staring again. Knock it off,” Connor ordered.

“Think a bundle of sticks like you can make me?” Clem asked having had enough of this child. Connor just rolled his eyes. Clem turned loose the face he had scared all the Potentials with, and Connor made a face of his own.

“Ewww, that’s disgusting. That was always the suckiest part of Quor-Toth, everyone got a big scary face but me,” Connor moaned, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“So, how’d you scare the demons, Destroyer?” Faith grinned over her shoulder at him.

“Used to cut off their best body parts and wear them around my neck to say, ‘if you aren’t tougher than the things I’ve already killed, don’t mess with me’,” Connor replied proudly.

Dawn shuddered. “Eww, that’s gross, too.”

“No, gross is going to be Connor’s twiggy legs sticking out from his bathing suit,” Spike said, with a vicious grin. Clem nodded his agreement though he was a bit horrified at Connor’s pronouncement.

“Go to hell.” Connor gave him the bird. “Mazomanie is a nude beach.”

“Oh no!” Spike jumped to his feet. “Buffy’ll skin us all if Dawn goes to a nude beach.”

Clem pulled his long ears tight to his head. “I didn’t hear a thing.”

Spike shrugged. “Okay, denial plausibility, I’ll go along with that.”

“And if you don’t tell anyone, Buffy will never need to know,” Dawn said.

“And you can blackmail her if need be later.” Faith grinned devilishly, and Dawn socked her one before the trio made it out the door.

Clem whirled on Spike. “Quor-Toth? You never said that little tight-skinned thing came from Quor-Toth!”

Spike kicked back on the sofa, lighting up. “Told you not to mess with the plonker.”

“I’m lucky he didn’t skin me and use it for a decoration.” Clem’s wrinkles deepened in distaste, and then he shuddered, skin flapping. “They called him the Destroyer...in that hell?”

“Cheer up, mate. Chances are as white as that boy is, he’ll get second degree sunburns on his dong,” Spike took a drag blowing smoke rings.

Clem cheered considerably at that thought. “I just wish I knew what would impress Faith so she’d notice me.”

“You almost killed a Cehib demon last night.”

“Almost got killed by, you mean.” Clem pouted.

“So, you’re more a lover than a fighter. Some women dig that.” Spike mulled the problem. “Can you dance? I know she likes to dance. Maybe you should take her to the Cardinal club.”

Clem stroked his ears, thinking on it. “Would she like that club?”

 

Spike beamed. “I can guarantee it.”

From Spike’s look, Clem got suddenly nervous. What did Spike know about that club that he wasn’t telling him?  
 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Clem watched Faith dancing with Dawn to the pounding beat. Dawn was wearing a little lacy thing that Clem was sure her sister wouldn’t approve of while his Faith was gorgeous in leather, black and red. She was too hot to touch, with her hands overhead, making her breasts bounce inside the leather halter. How had he gotten so lucky to have a twisted angel like this dropped in his lap?

“Okay, now I’m just getting mad. How many times do I have to tell you to quit staring at my girl?”

Clem sighed, turning his red-eyed gaze on Connor. It would be easier to take the kid seriously if he wasn’t wearing eyeliner and a leather collar. “Maybe I was looking at...” Clem scanned the room and picked out a woman wearing merciless ballet boots. “Her.”

Connor looked at the woman hobbling around in the boots that forced her _en pointe._ “Clem, it’s my dad who has more hair than brain cells, not me. I’m not dumb enough to fall for that.”

Spike nearly snorted his beer through his nose. “More hair than brain cells, I have to remember that one.”

Connor flashed his manic grin. “Enjoy. And you.” He wagged a finger at Clem. “Quit it. I’m only giving you a break ‘cause Dawn says you’re lonely, and I know from lonely. There’s plenty of women here...maybe one won’t mind a....whatever the hell you are.”

 

Clem ignored the insult, watching Faith approach. His heart fell when she hooked a finger in the D-rings in Connor’s collar, pulling him out on the dance floor.

“Now I have to tell Peaches daddy’s little angel is a leather boy,” Spike said gleefully.

“Like you won’t enjoy that,” Clem replied.

Spike chuckled. “Can’t wait to see his face. Looks like the boy went to the Angelus school of eyeliner application, too.”

Clem didn’t point out he had seen Spike wearing his fair share of eyeliner as well. He took a drink of his beer. “This was a bad idea, Spike. Why didn’t you tell me the Cardinal is a fetish club?”

“I couldn’t be arsed,” Spike replied with a shrug. “And it’s not usually. This is the once a week leather and lace fetish night.”

“This didn’t work out at all,” Clem lamented, wondering when he had lost control of the date.

“Well, when Faith started inviting everyone with you two, you should have put your foot down,” Spike said.

“I’m not good at that,” Clem said but he knew Spike wasn’t listening. The vampire’s eyes were on the young woman who was wearing nothing but a black leather mini-skirt and police ‘do not cross’ tape across her breasts.

“Learn,” Spike instructed, peeling off to follow the girl. 

Clem sighed and went back to people watching. Dawn, sweating from dancing, bounced over and ordered a beer. She smiled at him.

“Having a good time, Clem?”

He shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”

Dawn gave him a sympathetic look. “Yeah, being alone kinda sucks but we have plans for that.”

Before Clem could wonder what she meant, the cell phone in his pocket started vibrating. Faith had given hers to him since nothing she or Dawn had on had a pocket. “Yes?” he asked, his hearing more than sensitive enough to hear over the din. “Oh...oh dear. Yes, I’ll tell her.”

“Problems?” Dawn asked.

Clem nodded, his skin flapping. “Go get Faith and Connor. I’ll round up Spike. We need to get out of here.”

X X X

Clem’s eyes scanned the cityscape, seeing nothing evil or supernatural on the horizon but maybe he wasn’t the best judge. His companions didn’t look to be having any more luck finding what Faith had been called to Madison for.

“Are you sure Mercer said it was happening now?” Faith asked frustrated.

“Yes, city wide.” Clem scratched at his chin with one thick talon. “I don’t see anything.”

“I think the Watchers’ seer is broken, Faith,” Spike said, “At least my Dru’s visions were usually dead on...once you figured out what in the bloody hell she was talking about.”

“Ewww,” Dawn said, wiping at her face.

“What?” Connor asked worriedly.

She held up a hand. “I walked through a spider web. I hate spiders.”

Clem took a few steps back, walking through a web himself. Demon or no, spiders creeped him out. “Must have a lot of them around here.”

“Um guys, look.” Connor pointed up at the street lamps. Hundreds of webs were falling from the sky, glinting in the garish neon and yellow-white lights of the city.

“What the hell?” Faith stalked over and reached her hand into Clem’s pocket, shocking him. She fished out the cell phone and placed a call. “Yeah, Mercer, it’s raining spider webs. Please tell me we’re not here for huge flying spiders!”

“Oh gross. I should get paid for this,” Dawn moaned, tenting her hands over her head to keep the webs out of her hair.

“What do you mean you guys just found what we’re here for in the books...it occasionally rains spider webs in Wisconsin with no spiders ever seen? You want me to what? Oh, sample this!” Faith growled. “I’m the Slayer. I can’t slay a web. This is a job for a Watcher...okay, okay, so your visions need fine tuning between what’s a Slayer job and what’s a Watcher job. Fine, we’ll get you samples.” Faith sighed and signed off. She flipped the phone to Clem.

“Let me guess, our big bad is an astral spider,” Spike said, shaking his head. “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

“Tell me about it. Apparently, spider webs just fall from the sky ever so often in these parts,” Faith said. “No known cause. They want us to gather up samples of the ‘angel hair’.”

“My reputation is reduced to this... being the Watcher’s gopher,” Spike moaned.

Clem just started picking up webs. “I don’t mind helping, Faith.”

She beamed that beautiful smile at him. “Thanks, Clem.”  
 


	5. Chapter 5

EPILOGUE

“I can’t believe they went to Chicago without us,” Spike grumbled, taking a kitten off his lap.

“I think it was Connor’s turn to pick where they were going. You can be sure he didn’t want us around,” Clem said, stroking the fur of a little calico. “At least we did well at poker tonight.”

“It’s not like you’re going to let me eat the winnings so who cares?” Spike moped.

“How could you eat something with a face like this?” Clem danced the kitten in front of Spike who rolled his eyes. “I think I’ll take this batch to some of the inner-city preschools. I bet the kids would love a little mascot.”

“You’re an embarrassment to demons,” Spike said.

“If we could do it at night, you’d help me,” Clem replied confidently as the front door to Faith’s place opened.

“Oh, look it’s the terrible three back from their fun in Chicago, you know the place, Clem, a real city with something to actually do,” Spike said sarcastically as Faith, Connor and Dawn came into the living room.

“Kittens!” Dawn cried, scooping up one.

“We had a great time,” Connor assured Spike. “Did everything you wished you could do.”

“You’re a bastard, you know, that right?” Spike asked.

Connor shrugged. “No one ever hid my parentage from me.”

Faith groped him. “You’re a good bastard. Clem, we thought of you while we were down there. We have someone we want you to meet.”

“Me?” Clem got to his feet as one of the kittens climbed onto of his bald pate.

“Shonda,” Faith called. “Come on in.”

Clem’s eyes widened as a young lady walked in wearing a leather bustier and lace up the sides pants. Her eyes shone like perfect garnets and the folds of her skin draped in the most alluring way Clem had ever seen. She wore rings through her dewlaps and her teeth gleamed as she smiled. Her ears were long, slender and decorated with ruby studs. She was a goddess.

“We were talking you up and Shonda couldn’t wait to meet you,” Faith said.

Clem barely noticed the Slayer as he swept the kitten off his head, smiling at Shonda. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he told her in all sincerity.

Shonda smiled more brightly. “Thanks. Cute kitten.”

He held out to her. “It’s yours.” His heart soared as the soft skin of her hands touched his as Shonda accepted the kitten. “I’m Clem,” he said when he meant ‘I’m yours, too.’

“Want to show me Madison?” Shonda asked, linking arms with him.

“Your wish is my command.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Note: All of the places mentioned here are real   
> The Grumpy Troll Brew Pub   
> The Mustard Museum   
> Circus World Museum  
> Mazomanie Beach   
> The Cardinal Bar   
> and oh, spider webs falling from the sky, I didn’t make that up either.


End file.
